What Is Family?

THE TRUE DEFINITION

With all the recent reports about teenage bullying and suicide, it got me thinking about family and the definition there of. In 2010, considering all the progress we have made as human beings with technology and science, why are some definitions of family still so narrow minded?

As reported by Anderson Cooper on CNN this week, a Midland School District Vice President Clint McCance posted anti-gay and hateful speech on his Facebook page, using the words 'queer' and 'fag' repeatedly, promising to disown his own children if they end up gay.  Mr. McCance is a self-proclaimed Christian. Where is the Christianity in his statements? Mr. McCance has since resigned from his position as Vice President.

With that in mind and with all the young people who recently committed suicide think suicide is there only option, I decided to write this post.

The definition of family is no longer limited to blood relatives and loyalty is something people are reserving for those who earn it, as oppose to those who feel entitled to it. My 'family' is mostly made up of old and dear friends who have been in my life and stood by me for more than twenty years. These are people who don't give up on me, no matter how tough things get. They don't promise to help, then bail when the going gets tough.

The true definition of family is easy to define because it is measured by unconditional love, support and compassion from people who care about you, deeply and authentically. There are no boundaries or limits to what they will do for you, and mostly likely, what you would do for them. The people who make up your real family would never judge you or condemn you. They will challenge you to be the best you can be but you can tell the difference between a challenge and a threat. No one who truly loves you will ever threaten you.

Growing up gay was not easy for me even though I was brought up in the suburbs of what some might consider a big city. Coming to terms with my sexuality was made easier because my immediate family did not judge me or condemn me for being who I am. There were, however, some people who hated me for who I am, but when I was old enough to be on my own, I got out of the suburbs and moved into the city.

The message I am trying to get across is that you are not your sexuality. You are not your job or what you do for a living. The integrity of a good person can not be measured by dollars and cents but only by the actions of that individual person. It is measured by the level of compassion, love and understanding. It is measured by a response to a tragedy on Facebook.

Family are those people who love, protect and accept you for who you are and what you have to offer as a human being. Your blood relatives may not love you unconditionally but your true 'family' does. Confide in them. They will protect you. Never give up.

Restaurant Review: GRUB

Grub is charming, out of the way and delicious.

LUNCH FOR TWO: $40
CLEANLINESS: EXCELLENT
LOCATION: HOLLYWOOD
FOOD: CALIFORNIA COMFORT FOOD

Recently, I had the pleasure of having lunch with a friend at this great little place called, 'Grub' – a converted house in a residential neighborhood in Hollywood that you wouldn't know was there unless you knew it was there –  and the setting was perfect for a rainy day. 

'Grub' is located at 911 Seward in Hollywood between Willoughby and Santa Monica Blvd., as mentioned, is a converted house. When you see it, you instantly feel cozy and like you're at home. First, there's a large, outdoor open patio that I hear is the place to sit on a sunny day. When you walk in, you enter the main dining room which is a large, bright, open room with hardwood floors, large windows and a totally chill atmosphere.

Co-owners Betty Fraser (of Top Chef fame, S2) and Denise DeCarlo operate two award-winning businesses in Los Angeles – the restaurant 'Grub' and a catering company called 'As You Like It.' Both have received acclaim by critics and locals, alike. 

Judging from their website, it would seem that 'Grub' started as a breakfast/brunch and lunch place that has now blossomed into a place for supper, as well. Popularity will do that to a good restaurant – if it's good, they will come.  And, it was!

As I mentioned earlier, it was raining on my first time to 'Grub' but that's okay. It was perfect. I had their Vegetarian Three Bean Chili that came in a big bowl and I had them add ground beef (you actually have a choice of chicken, ground beef or chorizo, if you like it spicy!). It was delicious! 

My friend, Nicole, had the same thing only with chorizo, instead. And, she insisted we order a side of their crispy, candied bacon – OMG! This bacon was so delicious, it was more like a dessert. I can't wait to go back again and sit outside. 

The people who work they were professional, yet friendly, not fake. It was a terrific lunch with a terrific new friend. I recommend you try it, if you haven't already. If you have, then you know exactly what I am talking about.

Grub – 911 Seward Street, Hollywood, CA (323) 461-FOOD.

Single at 45: The Move

If you follow my blog, then you already know that I am single again at 45 after a rewarding, long-term relationship. It was my third. Nothing went wrong, it was a matter of geography and what was best for the both of us.

Part II: The Move

The hardest part of a break-up – in my opinion – is the move, itself. The packing. The thinking. The remembering. It all starts when you begin packing away your things to get ready for the move. Things you collected together and all the fun, loving times you had come rushing back when you start finding things that remind you of your not-so-distant past. But, it's just that – the past. You're not even moved out and it's already in past tense.

There are two ways to move: the easy way or the hard way. Now, your financial situation will dictate most of your options for you but when there is a will, there is a way. The hard way is renting a truck, asking your friends to help move your stuff and doing it all yourself. In some cases, this may be your only option. When I was in my twenties, this was how I moved. But, now that I am in my forties, to me this is the hard way.

The easy way is more expensive but far less stressful on your body and mind. Especially if you hire the right movers. In my case, I used 'Delancey Street' moving and trucking. They came highly recommended by a neighbor who used them twice before – she said they were great. And, they were. The guys that moved my stuff were friendly, professional, fast and conscientious of my personal belongings.  I highly recommend them for your next move.

So, Delancey Street made my move easy breezy and they estimated high but came in lower than their estimate. FYI – a one-bedroom apartment is around $600-$800 for the move and the time for the drive is counted as part of their hourly rate. It was totally worth it. Now, you have to unpack all the things you just packed up and rethink the whole situation...again. When does it end?

Fortunately, my ex and I are at peace with one another and we have not lost the love we had. It just evolved into a close friendship – just like my other two relationships did. Now that I am in my forties and not my twenties or thirties, I would hope that my relationship could and would develop and grow into a  close friendship. Otherwise, what's the point of the relationship? Will I suffer the same fate again and again? Do men feel that once a relationship is stale or even comfortable, it's over? As opposed to most women, who enjoy a mature, communicative relationship they can grow and nurture? To be clear, I am speaking in generalities and I am not saying this is all men or all women.

Our economy sometimes plays a role in failed relationships – especially when times are tough. It's hard not to be affected by the loss of a job or a lower income. It puts a strain on many relationships, and dreams, making it difficult to plan for a future. So, what? Do you give up and pack it in? No, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back into life.  If money is an issue in any relationship, then your relationship is only worth as much as you or your partner makes. To me, that is sad.

I've been in my new place with my new room mate for a while now and, so far, I am very happy. We have a great big place with space for ourselves and my room mate is very handy with home projects. We have known one another for twenty years and this is the second time we are living together. It is not where I expected to be at this stage in my life (i.e., living with a room mate) – but I am happy that I am living with my friend of many years. After all, there is so much beauty and satisfaction to be had from life that we often take for granted. At times like these, it helps us to remember what is really important.
__________________________

If you haven't heard of the 'Delancey Street Foundation', please take a minute to visit their website and learn a little about their story. It is the type of company that helps people turn their lives around by providing jobs in exchange for housing and living. The 'Delancey Street Foundation' also has a variety of other businesses they specialize in, including car service, landscaping, catering and more.

Underground Job Opportunities: Networking

Have no fear. Business networking can mean the difference between
getting the work or not.

In todays job market, finding a job has become harder than ever. Not only are there tons of websites that require you to sign up and login to view listings, some even charge the potential employee for the privilege of viewing those listings. So, in a tough economy where does someone go to find work?

There's a lot to be said for networking and joining professional organizations. You meet lots of interesting people in your community who are also professionals, who are open to meeting new people in this setting. It's a great way to establish new working relationships before you actually work together. It also proves that you are a go-getter and that you know how to communicate and develop relationships.

Business networks are not only a good way to gain new relationships, they are a great way to get to know more about your community and the people your business can serve. However, be sure to maintain an atmosphere of mutual exchange, not personal gain.  When you network: (a) be in the moment. (b) be selective. (c) make the effort to establish ongoing relationships when you feel a connection. Share ideas, information and resources – helping with true value establishes your true value.

Be prepared.  Have a plan. Only join a business networking group if and when you are fully prepared to pay the membership and are ready to get out there and network. Choose events and functions that interest you and that happen within a reasonable time frame for your schedule. Prepare an introduction or pitch that focuses on what you can do for other people, the problems that you solve and what you are looking for. Set a goal to make 5 new contacts at each event, then follow-up and arrange two 1-on-1's for a later time.

Build relationships. The most important thing to do when you network is to build a rapport with people and that's not easy for some to do. It's important to be yourself, make eye contact, listen to what people are asking or saying to you and think about your response before you say anything. First impressions are important. After all, this is your business.

Be yourself. Be confident. Have a 'quick pitch' ready to go in your back pocket that DOES NOT contain a 'sell' in it. Just a sentence that best describes what you or your company's value to other people. Keep it short and be interested in the people you meet. Ask questions. Listen to the answers. If someone engages you in conversation, at all costs, back off from selling.

Follow up. The whole point of networking is to build relationships and that takes time. Be sure to follow-up with the contacts you make and be sure to stay in contact. It is pointless to spend your time, money and effort just to go home satisfied that you have collected many business cards and then take no action.

And remember, networking is a process – it's an on-going commitment that takes nurturing. It doesn't happen over night.

Sources:
How Stuff Works 'How Business Networking Works' – by Linda C. Brinson
Networking – 5 Tips for a Guaranteed Outcome – Chris Hallett
Fired to Hired With Tory Johnson – ABCNews

Who Says L.A. Doesn't Have Culture?

Thanks to a generous $45 million dollar gift to LACMA from Stewart and Lynda Resnick – founders of such companies as Teleflora, Fiji Water and POM Wonderful – Los Angeles is now home to some of the most prolific art in the world.

LATimes.com reported that according to the L.A. County Museum of Art director Michael Govan, the $45 million dollar gift to LACMA, accompanied by a pledge to donate artwork worth $10 million, represents the 'second-largest single gift in the museum's history.' The largest was from Eli and Edythe Broad in the amount of $50 million plus $10 million in art.

The new pavilion in which this collection is to be housed and will open to the public on October 2, was designed by Pritzker-winning architect Renzo Piano – a world renowned Italian architect whose best buildings are said to make you believe we live in a civilized world. Piano was born in Genoa, Italy in 1937 and has a home and office in the same area, today. In 1981, he founded the 'Renzo Piano Building Workshop' which employs over 100 architects in Paris, Genoa and New York.

The Times focused on several stories, one which featured Mrs. Resnick – a native of Philadelphia who later attended Santa Monica City College – and her knack for art and business. She and her husband built their fortune on agricultural holdings (pistachios, pomegranates and more), along with several consumer-driven companies, with Stewart providing the financial know-how and Lynda the savvy marketing touches.

Another simply reviews the three inaugural shows at LACMA's Resnick Pavilion in the 45,000-square-foot space. It states that 'the three shows are clearly meant to show off the new building's versatility as a congenial home for temporary exhibitions encompassing a wide variety of art.' It goes on to mention that one show is majestic, another is more of a sleeper and the third an eccentric slice of European painting, sculpture and decorative arts.

Christopher Hawthorne gives a review of the architecture, saying 'In the end, judging the Resnick Pavilion is a more relative exercise than is usually the case with new buildings; it all depends on how you frame the question of its architectural achievement.' My advice is to go see it and judge for yourself.

This weekend was 'Free Community Weekend' – LACMAs way of showing its appreciation to the residents of Los Angeles by allowing them to enter the museums for free – to celebrate the grand opening of the Broad Contemporary Art Museum. By the look of things, the weekend was a great success!

As proud members of the Los Angeles community, we thank the Resnicks for their generous contribution to our great city and to Renzo Piano for leaving his mark on our city, as well.